Rutdudquafbassquagwig is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, pitiless aardvark.

Rutdudquafbassquagwig created carbon two million years ago.

If you believe in Rutdudquafbassquagwig, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Rutdudquafbassquagwig, he will turn you into a goat.

Rutdudquafbassquagwig's most sacred site is Yerakini in Greece.

Rutdudquafbassquagwig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat peas.

2. Always help gulls in need.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Do not make images of living things.