Stermumtif is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, thoughtless aardvark.

Stermumtif created the Large Magellanic Cloud seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stermumtif, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Stermumtif, he will turn you into a rock.

Stermumtif's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Stermumtif's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Stermumtif eight times a day.

2. Retreat if six mites approach from the west.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Run away from yellow goats, for they are unholy.