Cuttipshav is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, conceited tapir.

Cuttipshav created a strange quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cuttipshav, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cuttipshav, he will strike you with lightening.

Cuttipshav's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Cuttipshav's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never wear corsets.

3. Tapirs are not to be trusted.

4. Always obey Cuttipshav's priests.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.