Catwanpak is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unsympathetic troll.

Catwanpak created the Andromeda Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Catwanpak, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Catwanpak, it will ignore you and hope you go away.

Catwanpak's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Catwanpak's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Put Catwanpak first in all things.

3. Do not trade with those who eat onions.

4. Run away if three snails approach from the east.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.