Fotbenbankar Hitjaplimvag is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, contented slug.

Fotbenbankar Hitjaplimvag created carbon four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fotbenbankar Hitjaplimvag, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fotbenbankar Hitjaplimvag, it will turn you into a worm.

Fotbenbankar Hitjaplimvag's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Fotbenbankar Hitjaplimvag's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always stare at clouds.