Pogsawfub is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, cheerful narwhal.

Pogsawfub created Asia three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pogsawfub, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pogsawfub, she will be very unhappy.

Pogsawfub's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Pogsawfub's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven horses approach from the west.

2. Never wear mauve trousers.

3. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.

4. Always help ants in need.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.