Kadkapnurt is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, all-powerful grasshopper.

Kadkapnurt created the world two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kadkapnurt, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kadkapnurt, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Kadkapnurt's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Kadkapnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Moths are not to be trusted.

2. Always help tortoises in need.

3. Never go into mauve rooms.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Run away from turquoise grasshopers, for they are unholy.