Lapbestsig is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, able unicorn.

Lapbestsig created Africa five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapbestsig, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lapbestsig, she will jump up and down on your head.

Lapbestsig's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Lapbestsig's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.