Niltarpquartort is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, awesome jellyfish.

Niltarpquartort created the universe six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Niltarpquartort, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Niltarpquartort, she will think nothing of it.

Niltarpquartort's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Niltarpquartort's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never wear jumpers.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Hide from purple great tits for they are unholy.