Matvinsad is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, loving swan.

Matvinsad created the Whirlpool Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Matvinsad, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Matvinsad, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Matvinsad's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Matvinsad's Holy Commandments

1. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not laugh in public.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Do not wear black clothing.

5. Never think ill of sick great tits.