Cinlopmit Bontansak is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, self-assured lobster.

Cinlopmit Bontansak created an atom three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cinlopmit Bontansak, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Cinlopmit Bontansak, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Cinlopmit Bontansak's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Cinlopmit Bontansak's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never bounce in the presence of ducks.

5. Never wear orange scarves.