Japlagcin is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unfair slug.

Japlagcin created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Japlagcin, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Japlagcin, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Japlagcin's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Japlagcin's Holy Commandments

1. Put Japlagcin first in all things.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about moons.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.