Vabgumpid Vedquartxuckbonnull Safsitbest is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, narcissistic mongoose.

Vabgumpid Vedquartxuckbonnull Safsitbest created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vabgumpid Vedquartxuckbonnull Safsitbest, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Vabgumpid Vedquartxuckbonnull Safsitbest, it will destroy your home planet.

Vabgumpid Vedquartxuckbonnull Safsitbest's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Vabgumpid Vedquartxuckbonnull Safsitbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Vabgumpid Vedquartxuckbonnull Safsitbest.

3. Always look after injured frogs.

4. Put Vabgumpid Vedquartxuckbonnull Safsitbest first in all things.

5. Never mention grasshopers.