Dumtinnel is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, uncaring faun.

Dumtinnel created oxygen six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dumtinnel, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Dumtinnel, it will destroy your home solar system.

Dumtinnel's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Dumtinnel's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to manatees while wearing turquoise shorts.

2. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate dolphins.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.