Dissflam Arppadflow is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, idiotic penguin.

Dissflam Arppadflow created the Milkyway six million years ago.

If you believe in Dissflam Arppadflow, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Dissflam Arppadflow, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Dissflam Arppadflow's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Dissflam Arppadflow's Holy Commandments

1. Erect nine tin sculptures of Dissflam Arppadflow on top of important buildings.

2. Never talk about gulls.

3. Do not wear titanium on your body.

4. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Fast once a month.