Bonkfuntam is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, unjust gorilla.

Bonkfuntam created snails six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bonkfuntam, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bonkfuntam, he will turn you into a rat.

Bonkfuntam's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Bonkfuntam's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn hamsters, for they are unholy.

2. Always help porpoises.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. You must pray to Bonkfuntam four times a day.

5. Never eat bark.