Quatfidquillgutxingup is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, awe-inspiring bird.

Quatfidquillgutxingup created the planet Earth five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quatfidquillgutxingup, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Quatfidquillgutxingup, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quatfidquillgutxingup's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Quatfidquillgutxingup's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not shave your chest.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not wear yellow clothing.

5. Always make sure there are no sharks in a room before entering it.