Tarmatflow is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unsympathetic chicken.

Tarmatflow created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarmatflow, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Tarmatflow, she will turn you into a mole.

Tarmatflow's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Tarmatflow's Holy Commandments

1. Do not jump in public.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. You must never eat carrots.

5. Always take life seriously.