Gum is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, emotional seal.

Gum created Asia five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gum, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Gum, it will turn you into a mouse.

Gum's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Gum's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no birds in a building before entering it.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Gum must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not jump in public.

5. Never sing in the presence of sharks.