Sidsasqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, overgenerous bear.

Sidsasqueeg created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sidsasqueeg, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Sidsasqueeg, it will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Sidsasqueeg's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Sidsasqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine turtles approach from the north.

2. Always make sure there are no hamsters in a room before entering it.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not hurt doves.

5. Never talk about geese.