Nurtflowzig Tomhubkom Hivnurldan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, intelligent crocodile.

Nurtflowzig Tomhubkom Hivnurldan created the universe eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtflowzig Tomhubkom Hivnurldan, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nurtflowzig Tomhubkom Hivnurldan, he will turn you into a goat.

Nurtflowzig Tomhubkom Hivnurldan's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Nurtflowzig Tomhubkom Hivnurldan's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Nurtflowzig Tomhubkom Hivnurldan's priests.

2. Never look at comets.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of gold.

4. Nurtflowzig Tomhubkom Hivnurldan loves sharks, so they must be respected.

5. Put Nurtflowzig Tomhubkom Hivnurldan first in all things.