Hapvintap is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, bad-tempered alligator.

Hapvintap created light two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hapvintap, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hapvintap, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Hapvintap's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Hapvintap's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about cell theory.

2. Run away if four sharks approach from the south.

3. Never go into red rooms.

4. Never talk about nebulae.

5. Hide from green ducks for they are unholy.