Tarppidnart is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, strong bird.

Tarppidnart created life seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tarppidnart, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tarppidnart, it will jump up and down on your head.

Tarppidnart's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tarppidnart's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat oranges.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Always pray immersed in water.