Kimquilljop is a god.

She takes the form of a planet-sized, self-confident swallow.

Kimquilljop created a quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimquilljop, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Kimquilljop, she will come to you in dreams.

Kimquilljop's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Kimquilljop's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always treat nematodes with great respect.

3. Do not eat pineapples.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not shave your back.