Arpcabvin is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, effective cow.

Arpcabvin created the planet Saturn nine million years ago.

If you believe in Arpcabvin, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Arpcabvin, she will turn you into a slug.

Arpcabvin's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Arpcabvin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

2. You must love Arpcabvin.

3. Always help aardvarks in need.

4. Do not hurt ants.

5. Do not make images of living things.