Hat Gepgovquim is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, ruthless hippopotamus.

Hat Gepgovquim created the Milkyway nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hat Gepgovquim, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Hat Gepgovquim, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Hat Gepgovquim's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Hat Gepgovquim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt foxes.

2. Do not kill voles.

3. Run away from turquoise porpoises, for they are unholy.

4. Run away if six birds approach from the south.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.