Lakvonkflat is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, selfish goose.

Lakvonkflat created an up quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakvonkflat, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lakvonkflat, she will torture you forever.

Lakvonkflat's most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Lakvonkflat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never sit near doves.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Put Lakvonkflat first in all things.