Dagvonkjon is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unfair crane.

Dagvonkjon created the cosmos four billion years ago.

If you believe in Dagvonkjon, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Dagvonkjon, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Dagvonkjon's most sacred site is Amrit in Egypt.

Dagvonkjon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat strawberries.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Do not speak about melons.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Always stare at clouds.