Madtonkopbell Cissmutwad is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, amazing alligator.

Madtonkopbell Cissmutwad created energy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Madtonkopbell Cissmutwad, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Madtonkopbell Cissmutwad, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Madtonkopbell Cissmutwad's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Madtonkopbell Cissmutwad's Holy Commandments

1. Put Madtonkopbell Cissmutwad first in all things.

2. Never think about black holes.

3. Worship no other gods but Madtonkopbell Cissmutwad.

4. Madtonkopbell Cissmutwad must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Never hurt dolphins.