Batrakkik is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, calm rat.

Batrakkik created bats nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Batrakkik, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Batrakkik, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Batrakkik's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Batrakkik's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Batrakkik.

2. Retreat if nine rats approach from the east.

3. Never sing in the presence of dogs.

4. Never eat tomatoes.

5. Never laugh in holy places.