Japmiphun is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, proud raccoon.

Japmiphun created the planet Earth seven million years ago.

If you believe in Japmiphun, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Japmiphun, she will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Japmiphun's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Japmiphun's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to badgers while wearing white shorts.

2. Never laugh in the presence of grasshopers.

3. Do not take Japmiphun's name in vain.

4. Never go into red rooms.

5. Never talk about cats.