Batkadcan is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, wise donkey.

Batkadcan created the solar system four years ago.

If you believe in Batkadcan, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Batkadcan, she will say rude things about you at parties.

Batkadcan's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Batkadcan's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate bats.

2. Never sing near dogs.

3. Erect nine titanium sculptures of Batkadcan on top of important buildings.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Always take life seriously.