Tonciss is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, ruthless wolf.

Tonciss created oxygen eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonciss, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tonciss, he will make you grow a tail.

Tonciss' most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Tonciss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about geese.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tonciss.

3. Tonciss loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.

4. Run away if nine pigs approach from the west.

5. Never eat bark.