Vonklakcum is a god.

She takes the form of a slender, wise goblin.

Vonklakcum created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vonklakcum, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Vonklakcum, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Vonklakcum's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Vonklakcum's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never write about nebulae.

3. Retreat if four ducks approach from the north.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.