Nurlad Sigpasyat is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, emotional mongoose.

Nurlad Sigpasyat created an up quark four billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlad Sigpasyat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nurlad Sigpasyat, he will turn you into a puffin.

Nurlad Sigpasyat's most sacred site is Letino in Italy.

Nurlad Sigpasyat's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Do not stand on grass.

3. Always make sure there are no tortoises in a room before entering it.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never skip in holy places.