Yatsanlid is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, amazing monkey.

Yatsanlid created the planet Mars eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yatsanlid, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Yatsanlid, it will turn you into a puffin.

Yatsanlid's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Yatsanlid's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Yatsanlid.