Yartfembid is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, clever badger.

Yartfembid created snails eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartfembid, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Yartfembid, she will torture you forever.

Yartfembid's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Yartfembid's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Yartfembid.

4. Erect six nickel sculptures of Yartfembid on top of important buildings.

5. Always help dogs in need.