Jat is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, idiotic tortoise.

Jat created the Sun five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jat, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Jat, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Jat's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Jat's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

4. Never mention shrews.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Jat.