Jarngupfemnurtzakpastonkquag is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, conceited gnu.

Jarngupfemnurtzakpastonkquag created everything that exists seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarngupfemnurtzakpastonkquag, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jarngupfemnurtzakpastonkquag, it will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Jarngupfemnurtzakpastonkquag's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Jarngupfemnurtzakpastonkquag's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.