Gofgovdav is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, tiresome bear.

Gofgovdav created Europe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofgovdav, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gofgovdav, it will jump up and down on your head.

Gofgovdav's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Gofgovdav's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never mention turtles.

4. Never wear jumpers.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gofgovdav.