Fenquimquag is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, charitable whale.

Fenquimquag created a bottom quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fenquimquag, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Fenquimquag, he will boil you in a big pot.

Fenquimquag's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Fenquimquag's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large nickel sculpture of Fenquimquag on top of all buildings.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not take Fenquimquag's name in vain.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.