Wapmetcan is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, prudent snail.

Wapmetcan created the universe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wapmetcan, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Wapmetcan, she will laugh at you.

Wapmetcan's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Wapmetcan's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Wapmetcan's priests.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Wapmetcan loves grasshopers, so they must be honoured.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Always help sick great tits.