Bestsomjan is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, wise cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Bestsomjan created humanity seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bestsomjan, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bestsomjan, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Bestsomjan's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Bestsomjan's Holy Commandments

1. Put Bestsomjan first in all things.

2. Do not hurt horses.

3. Always wear purple.

4. Never write about amino acids.

5. Do not stand on grass.