Gemfetran is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, unfair jellyfish.

Gemfetran created a top quark two years ago.

If you believe in Gemfetran, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Gemfetran, she will manifest in front of you.

Gemfetran's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Gemfetran's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Gemfetran six times a day.

2. Monkeys are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Run away if five eagles approach from the north.

5. Do not covet oxen.