Gubwikbin is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, self-assured tortoise.

Gubwikbin created Africa four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gubwikbin, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Gubwikbin, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Gubwikbin's most sacred site is Gorslas in Wales.

Gubwikbin's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat apples.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Gubwikbin loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

4. Hide if five snails approach from the east.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force.