Gofbegtomflapyammincub is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, fussy chicken.

Gofbegtomflapyammincub created the universe six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofbegtomflapyammincub, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gofbegtomflapyammincub, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Gofbegtomflapyammincub's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Gofbegtomflapyammincub's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Feed all hungry seals.

3. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Never go into red rooms.