Govparkcan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, omniscient hummingbird.

Govparkcan created the cosmos nine million years ago.

If you believe in Govparkcan, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Govparkcan, she will have a low opinion of you.

Govparkcan's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Govparkcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never eat parsnips.

5. Always stare at clouds.