Cissxenbap is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unselfish tortoise.

Cissxenbap created humankind nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Cissxenbap, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Cissxenbap, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Cissxenbap's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Cissxenbap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Grasshopers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.