Gonkompad is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, impressive dingo.

Gonkompad created a bottom quark five million years ago.

If you believe in Gonkompad, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gonkompad, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Gonkompad's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Gonkompad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Gonkompad loves great tits, so they must be respected.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.