Zenkinfenlaplinzakcub is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, unthoughtful troll.

Zenkinfenlaplinzakcub created the Virgo Supercluster three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Zenkinfenlaplinzakcub, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Zenkinfenlaplinzakcub, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Zenkinfenlaplinzakcub's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Zenkinfenlaplinzakcub's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed beans to cats while wearing violet trousers.

2. Run away if four great tits approach from the west.

3. Erect a large lead sculpture of Zenkinfenlaplinzakcub on top of all buildings.

4. Never think about asteroids.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.